People seek therapy for a variety of reasons: relationship issues, general unhappiness, depression, compulsion and obsession, fear or panic, inner conflicts, the crisis of meaninglessness or purposelessness, emotional difficulties associated with illness or aging, guidance through the stages of life and developing maturity, spiritual journeying, among many others.

What is the one single principle of personal therapy which works, which we should always bear in mind and which applies universally to bring about psychological healing and inner freedom?

Three questions dominate and underlay personal therapy. To know and practice these three focuses of enquiry deepens and accelerates personal growth and development.

The three questions are, first, What am I holding on to? Second, what do I get out of holding on to it? Third, how can I let go of it?

The first question is: What am I holding on to? We are stuck and this means we are adhering to some inner condition, some security or illusion of safety. Often it is in the form of an unconscious reaction to some emotional, physical or psychological injury. Sometimes it is associated with our early conditioning and we can locate the source of it in childhood or infancy. Awareness practice and familiarity with our inner world leads us to discover exactly what it is we are holding onto, how we are holding on to it and why.

The second question is: What do I get out of holding on to it? Our inner integrity prohibits us doing something for no reason and for no gain. However negative the gain, we are holding on to and remaining loyal to a pattern of behavior for a reason. You must find out what that reason is to bring about release. Do not be fooled: sometimes the gain is particularly negative, because inside us is a strong saboteur.

The third question is: How can I let go of it? This can only be attempted after the first two questions have been answered and the choice can then be made to let go. This is not easy, it may be that you have to behave differently, transform your image of yourself, live, breathe, dress, work or relate differently in your life. Whatever it is, it will appear out of your intuitive heart and point you in the direction of your personal freedom.

Whether you are pursuing the inner journey with a therapist, a counselor, a guide, a group of seekers or by yourself, implement these questions into your practice. Ask yourself these three questions through the changing insights you have into you inner world, as you unearth new patterns, and watch your inner emptiness grow and with it a new freedom.

BLOG entry #106